Freshen Breath the Unconventional Way

Pongwiffy: A Witch of Dirty Habits was one of my favourite children's books. Says a lot.

Pongwiffy: A Witch of Dirty Habits was one of my favourite children's books. Says a lot.

I guess it is something that they are still inventing things that surprise you. You think you have everything you ever wanted, every consumer good imaginable and then something pops up and you are left open-mouthed.

This is how I felt recently when I came across (no pun intended) vagina fresheners. Yes, I’m afraid you read that right. Mints that feed into the Va-jay-jay to give it a tangy flavour.

I’ve linked before to this study which shows that having a low opinion of one’s fanny-fu-far is bad for women’s sexual health (for Americans: fannies are ladies front-bottoms and we snigger whenever you use the word, heh). And yet we have to put up with jokes about fishy smells and frankly creepy, unnecessary products designed to feed off women’s insecurities.

As well as poonanie mints people have invented deordorising tampons, vaginal deodorant (is it just me or do fragrances called ‘tropical rain’ and ‘island splash’ seem inappropriate?), wipes (links to blog asking if vag wipes are a sign of politeness) and douching (this is a link to the Science Museum, ftmfw). All of these things are invented and marketed to make you feel like you need something other than soap and water to be clean and healthy. You don’t.

This impacts on women’s health because if they always think that the pink clink stinks then they are less likely to notice changes which may signify infection or seek help and advice (similarly vibrator use actually increases sexual health). Plus being self-conscious of your wookie effects your enjoyment of oral sex which instead should be savoured.

There is nothing peculiarly smelly about women’s bits. Any enclosed area that gets sweaty gets wiffy – male as well as female.

So back off with the fish jokes, everyone knows the hairy clam tastes of milk and honey.


4 Responses to “Freshen Breath the Unconventional Way”

  • BruceH Says:

    Well, salt and honey. But otherwise, right on.

  • MARY STACK Says:

    HERE I THOUGHT I WOULD READ A SWEET STORY ABOUT YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK! I LOVE YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS “think that the pink clink stinks”. THIS IS A SWEET STORY FOR WOMEN!

  • In celebration of the vajayjay | Vagina Dentata Says:

    [...] don’t mean the hideousness that is ‘feminine hygiene’ products. I mean those gifts and crafts that celebrate, jubilate and honour the [...]

  • figleaf Says:

    Hi Naomi,

    Can’t say how awesomely, happily, comfortably at home I feel reading your blog. As I just said on mine, if feel like going to a family reunion with you.

    This post inspired me to write about how odd it is that women’s bits are said to stink in a way that’s never said about men. Funny isn’t it how fungal infections are as endemic to men, and as smelly, as yeast infections are to women but it’s never mentioned. Maybe because “jock itch” products are sold in the “athletic supplies” aisle instead of on the “feminine products” aisle.

    Thanks!

    figleaf

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